2013 MTV VMAs - ArrivalsHappier, less tawdry days.

 

Darlings, too many things have kept us away from keeping track of the “Be Me or Do Me”-related goings on in Celebuville lately.  We’re actually upset we didn’t get the chance to point out that James Franco clearly read our Attention-Whoring chapter; especially the part on male selfies. Tsk.

Let’s rectify that. Robin Thicke, bless his heart, has also been paying attention.

From Chapter 10: The Epic Breakup:

“Microphone Breakups. The very best kinds of celebrity break- ups, the ne plus, is when either person involved is a singer. Oh Jesus, can you ever expect some lyrical payback when that happens. Actors don’t always get the chance to let their personal life inform their work so directly, but singers are encouraged to do so and rewarded for it. If those singers just happen to be bitter, vindictive, immature, and attention seeking, so much the better. Male rap and female country stars get the prize for most vindictive lyrics, but the dance-floor divas can achieve immortality if their song of triumph after pain becomes a gay or bachelorette party standard.”

 

From the ever-reliable TMZ, regarding the ever-classy Mr. Thicke:

“Robin Thicke sang his heart out at the Billboard Music Awards … begging for estranged wife Paula Patton’s forgiveness — and also gave a random woman in the crowd a face full of his crotch.”

“As TMZ first reported, Thicke penned the song “Get Her Back” specifically to try and win back Patton … with lyrics like “All I wanna do is make it right” and “I’ll wait for forever for you.”

The song was catchy and filled with the requisite amount of pleading but at the end of the song he made the poor choice to drop to his knees and pump his hips at a cute chick in the front row.”

Please. There was no “plea for forgiveness” here. Just a well timed (to the beat, apparently) passive-aggressive bitch slap. Well played, Robin. After all, what is the celebrity affirmation for the Epic Breakup chapter? “PEOPLE WHO HURT ME DESERVE TO BE DESTROYED.”

Ball’s in your court, Paula.