Miley-Cyrus-Bangerz-Tour-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)

Darlings, now that we’re mostly recovered from last week’s whirlwind mini-tour, it’s time we got back to God’s work: using the personal lives of celebrities to hawk our book. It’s the “Be Me or Do Me” way of life. And thankfully, it’s so ridiculously easy. Since we wrote the book in such a way as to encourage the reader to look for examples in the so-called “real world” of celebrity,” they tend to leap out at you when they occur. For instance…

From Chapter 13: The Exhaustion Sweepstakes:

“There is no greater suffering for a star than when they’re suffering from lack of attention. It’s like oxygen deprivation to them. You see, A-list celebrity bodies are covered with tiny, microscopic hairs that act as antennae, moving to and fro constantly and seeking out confirmation that someone is paying attention to the person they are attached to. When attention drops to dangerously low levels, these tiny antennae immediately send a signal to the celebrity brain, which causes the celebrity to feel weak and light-headed. When attention levels in the atmosphere plummet to zero, her body shuts down and she crashes dramatically to the floor. In a public place, of course. With cameras present. If she is not in a public place where cameras are present, her celebrity survival instinct will kick in and she will propel herself through sheer force of will to a place where people will notice when she collapses to the ground. Only one part of this paragraph is made up.”

“Unless it’s a skin rash or sexually transmitted disease or something like that, celebrities love to talk about their ailments to the public. They’re like your annoying great-aunt that way, constantly going on about their aches, pains, and rare syndromes to anyone who’ll listen, until finally, they’re up on stage accepting a major award by saying, “I want to thank the academy, but I probably can’t because I’m dyslexic.” So when they’re so oddly silent about the exact reasons for their sudden withdrawal from public life, it’s not hard to become skeptical and come up with plausible explanations.

And isn’t that really what this is all about? Being evasive in order to get people guessing? Since stars apply this form of public teasing to every other area of their private and public lives, it’s to be expected that even sleeping is something a star will use to tantalize the public.”

From the ever-reliable and apparently totally gullible People magazine:

Miley Cyrus Hospitalized for Severe Allergic Reaction

Miley Cyrus is in the hospital due to a severe allergic reaction to antibiotics.

The singer canceled her Bangerz tour appearance scheduled for Tuesday at the Kansas City Sprint Center.

“Cyrus has been hospitalized for a severe allergic reaction to antibiotics and has been placed on medical rest by her doctors,” according to a statement from the Sprint Center.

Cyrus, 21, Tweeted a statement of apology Tuesday evening.

“Kansas I promise I’m as [heartbroken] as you are. I wanted so badly 2 b there 2night. Not being with yall makes me feel s––––––– than I already do,” she wrote.

Cyrus also canceled her Charlotte, N.C. tour stop just over a week ago after she was “diagnosed with the flu and doctors have ordered her to rest,” Live Nation says.

 

It was the flu! No, wait! Allergies! Oh, Miley, Just go and dry out, hon. You can’t spend most of the previous year acting like an oversexed hyperactive toddler and expect the world to think your collapse came about from some sort of natural cause, now can you? Face it, when you ride the giant hot dog, you’re gonna get sick of it eventually. Or something. There’s a lesson in there for all of us.