This isn’t bingo. This is a bullseye. From Chapter 3, Attention Whoring:

“For ladies with big breasts and not much left in the way of shame, nothing succeeds like walking on the beach in a bikini and acting surprised by the phalanx of photographers called there by her publicist. A truly low-level star in this situation will inevitably stop acting surprised within the first ten seconds and start posing as if she were Miss America, kicking the waves and laughing; leaning over and squeezing her boobs together and laughing. Doing cartwheels and laughing. The pretense that this was anything but staged and set up will be abandoned rather quickly in hopes that entertainment bloggers feature the pictures prominently within the next day. The normal attire for this type of picture is a string bikini, optimally in white, in case you want to get a little demure nipplage going on once the top gets wet.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Courtney Stodden, Attention Whore Maxima:

 

Acting her age! Courtney Stodden is carefree as she shows off her cartwheeling skills… on the beach in a bikini

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“The cartwheel began with Courtney plotting out her runway, before launching herself head first into the sand below to perform the childhood trick.

Once the stunt was over, she beamed with pride and flung her hair back, turning to make sure the shutterbugs definitely got it on record.

At one point, Courtney kneeled down in the soggy sand by the shore and proceeded to make mud pies as she chatted on her bright pink cell phone.”

BAM.

We don’t know if we should be pleased for nailing the description so perfectly or because Courtney Stodden clearly bought our book and is using it as a career guide.

 

 

Picture: The Daily Mail