Darlings, where would we be without offensively ostentatious celebrity weddings? Whatever would we have to talk about?

From Chapter 7, “Symbiotic Rebranding, aka ‘Marriage'”:

“Imagine the royal courts of Europe around the sixteenth century, a time when the church wielded enormous power over the lives of the aristocracy and marriages were granted or annulled based on how willing several parties were to go to war. Now, replace all the princes and princesses, kings and queens with recording artists, reality stars, and actors, and all the bishops, cardinals, and popes with publicists, paparazzi, and high-ranking entertainment industry executives. Celebrity weddings, with their multiple competing agendas, loads of money on the line, massive public interest, and monumental displays of ego, are like the court of Henry VIII, except with spray tans and much tinier dresses, movie deals and recording contracts instead of wars and trade issues.”

 

From Cosmopolitan:

“This will be the event of the year. Think fashion runway, stage show performance. Think Avant-garde. Think nothing like you’ve ever seen. Kanye’s saying ‘This is a concept event based on a wedding,’” the insider recently dished.

The source added, “He’s sometimes even forgetting to involve Kim in the meetings with the wedding planner. She feels like the whole thing might be spinning out of control. It’s just insane. Kanye has basically billed it as breaking the boundaries of what to expect when it comes to a wedding.”

Oh, just frikking get married and shut up about it. “Breaking the boundaries.” PLEASE.