From Chapter 16, Lifetime Achievement Award:

Graceful-Aging Tips of the Stars!
1.    Accept that there’s no such goddamn thing as aging gracefully. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and grief that way.
2.    Remember that wrinkles are still better than being dead. For the most part.
3.    Get your side of the story down. It’s your life. You should have the last word on it.
4.    Enjoy the accolades and don’t be so modest about it. Don’t look at taking your bows as the end of the performance. Look at it as the rightful culmination of your excellence.
5.    You’ve got the laugh lines already, honey. So laugh. Long and hard. Nobody understands the absurdity of life better than those who’ve lived it the longest.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Elaine Stritch:

“Elaine, you are so beloved,” gushed Kathie Lee to the showbiz legend/celebrity most likely to hit you over the head with her umbrella. “As much for your work, but for your mouth. You know, you say whatever you want to say! Whenever did that all happen?”

Stritch responded by rambling about “it” not having been “passed on television.” “If you just say things naturally, it’s fine!” Stritch exclaimed. “You know, they just think in fuck.”

Whatever that means. Not that it matters. Elaine Stritch said “fuck” on live TV. That’s what it means.

In response, Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee assured everyone that Stritch’s F-bomb had been bleeped (it hadn’t). Additionally, Kotb held her nose, while Gifford held onto Stritch’s feet, which had been in her lap for the entire interview.

The end of their interview was just as entertaining, if less scandalous. Stritch started wrapping up with a promise to deliver a line that somehow went unsaid inShoot Me, though she ended up running out the clock by going on and on in her setup of the line. When rushed by Katie Lee, Stritch barked jokingly (except totally not), “You are not getting the last line in this morning’s show!”

We think Miss Elaine embodied all five of those tips in one interview. God bless her, she’s a monument.